Lately, the Lord has been dealing with me about my not so gentle self. There are times when I come across to people as very harsh and I figure sometimes very unfeeling. God knows that is not my intention. For some time I have found it very difficult to be compassionate.
One day I heard the Holy Spirit tell me, “Sylvia you are like a roasted marshmallow” My response, “whatever do you mean?” As if I did not know. Well He told me anyway, “crusty and hard on the outside but soft like slush on the inside.” Weeellll, thank You very much!
I thought that cynical hard side of me was dealt with already. Indeed, I been going through a “softening up” process for the last three years. But here is the Holy Spirit telling me that the work is not as complete as I thought.
Is it that I do not feel the pain of others? So not true. I find that I feel too much. Because I feel too much, I feel weak and vulnerable. Lately, I find myself in uncontrollable weeping when praying for others. Truly, how can I properly intercede if I cannot feel the Father’s pain for His people. If I truly want a heart like Jesus’ I must be prepared to open my heart and be compassionate like Him.
The Lord has been telling me that it is okay to feel the pain of others (not to take it on). It is okay to weep for them. I remember the other day I saw a man as I was walking. I don’t remember what it was I saw or recognized in my spirit that triggered it, but I felt this uncontrollable urge to weep. I remember tears forming in my eyes and a whispered “Lord have mercy”
Sometimes I feel like Ezekiel – who went in bitterness and in the heat of his spirit when the Spirit lifted him up and took him away. (Ezekiel 3:14). In the same way I feel like protesting,”I do not want to come from behind the wall, I don’t want anyone to see me vulnerable, I don’t want anyone to recognize how soft my heart is!!! Protest! Protest! Protest! However the hand of the Lord is strong upon me, and I moved from “I don’t want” to “Whatever You want.” I have to come from behind my wall and open my heart even if I feel like I do not want to. In the words of one of my favorite ministers “You don’t go by what you feel, you go by what the Word of God says”.
“Is not My Word like as a fire? says the LORD; and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?” Jeremiah 23:29. The hammer (Word) has pounded the hard places of my heart into malleable flesh.
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26)
Sylvia M Dallas
Poet, Author, Photographer and Teacher of the Word and CEO and Director of Creator Services at The Publisher's Notebook Limited based in Jamaica. She is married to Rohan Dallas, is a proud grandmother, loves coffee (Jamaican, of course), loves great tasting and healthy food, love to cook and is an unabashed follower of Jesus Christ. Her books AND THE PRISONERS HEARD THEM, THE RIGHT KIND OF INTIMACY and THE BED DEFILED are available on Amazon.